A relationship that is not quite a relationship, someone kept waiting as a backup, a person who disappears without explanation and another who sends just enough messages to keep you interested: modern dating has a word for almost everything. That became the subject of a funny moment inside the Bigg Boss 20 house when singer Qazi Touqeer tried to explain two popular dating terms, “situationship” and “benching”, to boxer Mary Kom. His definitions, however, had little to do with their actual meanings.Qazi told Mary Kom that a situationship was when people went on a ship, created a situation there and then got stuck when the ship stopped in the middle of the ocean. “That’s a situationship,” he joked. His explanation of benching was even more unexpected. He said, “Benching is Ladka bench pe baithta hai aur ladki ko bench ke neeche letate hain. Ladki uska joota saaf karegi, yeh musibat discuss ho rahi hai.” He described a man sitting on a bench while a woman lay underneath it cleaning his shoes.The clip went viral because Qazi was not actually explaining Gen Z dating culture so much as inventing his own dictionary for it. But behind the jokes are two terms that describe very real patterns in modern relationships.
So, what is a situationship?
It is a relationship with elements of both friendship and romance but without a clear label, boundaries or commitment.
A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that has not been formally defined. There may be attraction, intimacy, emotional closeness and regular contact, but there is no clear agreement about whether the two people are actually a couple. It is a relationship with elements of both friendship and romance but without a clear label, boundaries or commitment. It can offer some of the closeness of a relationship while allowing both people to retain the independence of being single.That is also what makes situationships complicated. Two people may spend considerable time together, talk regularly, go on dates and behave like a couple, but never have the conversation about what they actually are. One person may see it as casual while the other may quietly expect it to become a committed relationship. According to Cleveland Clinic psychologist Susan Albers, common signs include no discussion of exclusivity, unclear boundaries, irregular communication, little integration into each other’s lives and no real movement towards a future.A situationship is not automatically unhealthy. For some people, it can be a low-pressure way of exploring a connection without immediately entering a committed relationship. The problem begins when both people want different things but avoid discussing them.
And what exactly is ‘benching’?
The person being benched is not completely rejected. They are simply never made the priority.
This term borrows its meaning from sport. In sport, a player who is on the bench is available but not currently in the game. In dating, benching means keeping someone interested as a backup option while pursuing other romantic possibilities. Verywell Mind describes it as keeping a romantic prospect on standby without committing to the relationship. The person doing the benching may continue to send messages or make occasional contact, but does not give the relationship enough attention or certainty to move it forward. That is what separates benching from simply losing interest.If someone completely disappears, it may be ghosting. If they continue appearing every few days or weeks with a message, compliment or vague invitation, they may be keeping the connection alive. The person being benched is therefore not completely rejected. They are simply never made the priority.
Benching vs ghosting: There is a difference
Ghosting is more straightforward. It means abruptly disappearing from someone’s life without an explanation. Ghosting ss cutting off communication without explaining why. It can happen suddenly, such as when someone stops replying or unmatches on a dating app, or more gradually as communication becomes increasingly distant. Benching works differently. A person who is benching someone usually keeps the door open. They may send a message after several days, react to a social media post, flirt or suggest meeting but the connection never develops into something consistent.So, while ghosting closes the door without explanation, benching leaves it slightly open.
Then there is ‘breadcrumbing’
Another term that has become common in dating conversations is breadcrumbing. The name comes from the idea of leaving small pieces of bread along a path. In dating, the “breadcrumbs” are tiny amounts of attention be it a flirty message, a social media reaction, a compliment or an occasional call that keep another person interested without any real intention of building a relationship.Cleveland Clinic psychologist Susan Albers describes breadcrumbing as giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested without intending to commit. The behaviour can create a cycle of hope and disappointment because communication arrives intermittently rather than consistently.Social media makes this particularly easy. A person does not have to start a meaningful conversation. Sometimes a like, emoji or short reply is enough to restart someone’s expectations.
Why situationships can become emotionally difficult
The uncertainty is often the hardest part. People generally seek clarity and consistency in relationships. In a situationship, the absence of clear boundaries can create anxiety and confusion, particularly when one person wants more commitment than the other. There can also be a strange contradiction: the connection may feel emotionally significant while remaining officially undefined. You may know their daily routine, speak every night and share personal details, but still not know whether you are allowed to call them your partner. That is why the same situationship can feel liberating to one person and deeply frustrating to another.
The bigger dating vocabulary keeps growing
Terms such as situationship, benching, ghosting and breadcrumbing have become useful because they give people a short way to describe complicated behaviour. But knowing the label does not automatically solve the problem. A situationship is not necessarily bad. Being single while dating is not necessarily a problem. Taking time before committing is not the same as deliberately misleading someone. The important thing is whether both people understand what is happening and whether their expectations match.