When children come home after school, college, a playdate or an outing, parents often ask the same questions: “What did you do?” “Did you fight with anyone?” “Did you misbehave?” But actor Shriya Saran believes parents should also ask a different kind of question: “Did something happen to you?” Speaking in a conversation with Hauterrfly, Shriya spoke about her own experiences growing up, situations that made her feel helpless and why she believes children need to know that they can tell their parents when something uncomfortable happens to them. Her point was not simply about teaching children safe and unsafe touch. She also spoke about what happens after children have been taught about safety, particularly when they are frightened, confused or worried that they might be blamed.
“We don’t ask them, did something happen to you?”
5 Oct 2026 | 12:06
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Shriya said parents often approach conversations with children by first checking what the child might have done wrong. “Because when children come home, we ask them, ‘Did you fight with anyone? What did you do? Did you misbehave?’ We don’t ask them, ‘Did something happen to you? Did someone do something to you?’ Because we assume our children might have done something wrong,” she said.According to Shriya, this can affect how children interpret an uncomfortable experience. “That somewhere leaves an impact on children. They start thinking, ‘Maybe it was my fault.’” She said parents should instead ask questions that help them understand what actually happened. “So it is very important not to immediately blame them for being naughty. Ask properly. Ask, ‘Who was there? What happened? Who did what?’” For Shriya, listening to the child’s version is an important part of making them feel safe enough to speak.
Her own experience of feeling helpless
Shriya said parents often approach conversations with children by first checking what the child might have done wrong.
Shriya also recalled an incident from her college days that stayed with her. She said she was travelling by bus when she saw a boy troubling a girl at a crossing. “He was literally beating her horribly and removing her clothes. I was shocked that nobody said anything. No one around her was coming to help her,” she said. Shriya got off the bus and went towards the girl, but she was frightened herself. “So I got down from the bus. I still remember going up to her, but I was so scared that I could not do anything. My friends told me that there was no police officer around at that time, nothing. That moment left me feeling very helpless.”She said the incident continued to affect her after she returned home. “I cried a lot later at home. I remember thinking that I could not do anything at that time.” She also spoke about facing eve-teasing while travelling by bus at night during her younger years. “I loved being in the theatre. I used to take a lot of taxis and buses because I travelled by bus. There was a lot of eve-teasing at night. It was very tough, but if the bus became empty, we would get scared and get off the bus because we were afraid. Those moments stayed with me. But life gives you the energy to come out of them.”
Why Shriya wants parents to talk about safe and unsafe touch
When asked what she would not want to pass on to her daughter Radha because of her own experiences, Shriya brought up the way children are now taught about safe and unsafe touch. “Today, we talk about children being taught about safe and unsafe touch, which was not there when we were growing up.” She said many children may experience something uncomfortable without immediately understanding what has happened. “Sometimes you do not even understand what happened. Someone touched you or did something, and you did not understand it. So I think almost everyone has had some kind of bad experience.”She added, “I am glad that we now talk about these things.” But according to Shriya, simply teaching children the concept is not enough. “Even after teaching children, they still get scared. They do not speak or tell anyone. They think that maybe it was their fault and start blaming themselves.” This is where she believes the parent’s response becomes particularly important.
Watch for changes, not just answers
An old photoshoot of Shriya with her daughter.
Shriya said parents should pay attention not only to what children say but also to changes in their behaviour. “Their reactions will tell you something. Their body language can change. It is very important to see whether their warning language is changing. Are they becoming self-conscious? Are they becoming conscious around that person? Have they suddenly become introverted?” She described these as things parents need to “really check and understand.” “Sometimes even one bad touch can really leave a scar.” She said parents cannot control every situation their children may encounter, but they can make sure children know where to turn when something happens.“We can protect children as much as we can, but beyond that, it is very important that we ask them the right questions.” “And if we feel that something is wrong, we need to take the right steps so that they feel for life that we are protecting them. Then they will be less afraid to tell you if something happens later. I think that is very important.”
A small parenting shift: ask two questions, not one
One practical change parents can make is to add a second question to the usual “What did you do today?” Instead of stopping at “What happened?”, also ask “What happened to you?” The difference is small but important. The first question can focus on the child’s actions. The second gives them space to talk about something another person may have said or done to them. Parents can also make the conversation more specific without turning it into an interrogation: Who were you with? How did you feel? Did anyone make you uncomfortable? Did anything happen that you didn’t understand?If a child becomes unusually quiet, avoids a particular person, suddenly becomes uncomfortable in a familiar setting or shows a noticeable change in behaviour, the first response does not have to be questioning about what the child did wrong. Listening calmly can help parents understand what the child is actually trying to communicate.