Bhubaneswar: She had spent months looking forward to trekking Mount Kailash. But as the journey drew near, London-based Odia diaspora member Gayatri Panigrahi (44) grew apprehensive about her fitness, leading her to cancel her pilgrimage, even as she felt disappointed.And, when news of Nepal flash floods emerged, disappointment gave way not just to relief but to a deeply unsettling thought: “What if I had gone?”“I have had sleepless nights since the incident, thinking about what might have happened had I been there. I keep thinking about my three children, what would have happened to them in my absence,” said Panigrahi, a cybersecurity professional, adding a journey to such a remote and high-altitude region requires both physical and mental preparation.To complete the 52-km parikrama of Mount Kailash, she has been consistently working on her fitness through regular walking and strength training, besides participating in local treks, paying attention to diet. “The facilities on the Kailash route are very basic, even proper toilet facilities are not available at several points. You have to be prepared for such realities,” she said.Initially, she was disappointed about cancelling her trip as she had managed her leave and arrangements for her three sons — aged 14 years, 13 and 6.Also, there was a thought if she would get a second chance to plan the trip. “However, looking back now, I feel a deep sense of relief that I listened to my instincts,” she said.Panigrahi was offered two batches to travel in Aug. The first left on Aug 14 for a 22-day journey. Given the duration and relatively short notice, she felt she did not have enough time to prepare herself physically. “So, I decided not to go with that batch,” she said, adding there was another batch that was scheduled to leave in late Aug for 12-14 days. “The second batch was also unsuitable for me as I was the lone woman from the UK to travel with strangers. It’s another matter that the batch never left. I was also hesitant to travel through mountainous terrain during Aug and wanted to undertake the trip in Oct,” said Panigrahi, who trekked to Kedarnath in 2024.After getting the news of the Nepal floods, she contacted one of the tour leaders from the Aug 14 batch, which was expected to reach Kailash around Aug 26. “She shared a photograph of the north face of Mount Kailash. It was reassuring knowing that they were safe,” said Panigrahi.Despite the catastrophe, Panigrahi said she would definitely attempt the Kailash Mansarovar Yatra again, but with caution.